This week I’ve watched a couple of re-runs of a British television show where people who want to move ‘Down Under’ (to Australia or New Zealand) get to try out their potential new life before they fully commit. The shows were a ‘revisited’ version where the film crew caught up with families from a previous series a few months and then a few years down the line to see if they had made a success of emigration.
In both episodes I’ve watched there has been a single strong instigator behind a family’s move, and the person in question has clearly been motivated by very personal and, dare I say it, selfish reasons to relocate. In both instances you could see massive pressure being placed on the rest of the family, and in one of the programs the couple eventually divorced and the family was fractured apart with half relocating and half staying in the UK.
So, should you move abroad? Or are your reasons for wanting to relocate totally selfish and against what’s best for your family? In this article we’re going to help you decide whether a relocation is right for you and every member of your family, or whether you need to re-evaluate your plans for the sake of your family.
It is alleged that moving house is one of the most stressful events in a person’s life – and whilst I’d like to suggest that actually grief, redundancy or serious illness are a lot worse for example, moving house and moving abroad are going to put an inevitable amount of pressure on an individual, a family and even the extended family and friends of the person or people relocating. That’s because a move – particularly emigration – is a massive change, and change causes stress.
With this thought in mind, it’s a case of determining whether the inevitable stress can be borne, whether it can be lessened or alleviated in any way, and ultimately whether it is worth enduring for the end result – i.e., a new and hopefully better life abroad.
So, YOU Want to Move Abroad – But What About Everyone Else?
Firstly you need to question why you want to move. Perhaps you believe the grass is greener overseas? Maybe you have been offered a ‘better’ job (I use inverted commas because ‘better’ is a relative and subjective word!) Alternatively, maybe you feel you and your family can have an improved way of life overseas, or you just hate where you’re living now and you want to make a significant change?
Well, all of these potential answers to the question posed are alright - until you dig a little deeper and discover that actually, the grass is never greener anywhere else, it’s just different!
A relocation will present you with as many challenges as opportunities – and for some people they will thrive on this. Others will feel overwhelmed, miss the comfort and familiarity of ‘home’ and wish they had never moved in the first place. That’s a reality.
So, which camp do you fall into? And what about your spouse and your children or your accompanying partner for example? How do they cope under pressure, in a foreign environment, stripped of their network of friends, family and familiarity? Will they thrive? Survive? Or hate their new life?
If you want to move abroad, it may be right to do so. However, if you want to move abroad with your family in tow, you have a massive responsibility to ensure the move is the right thing for all those involved. And this includes those members of the family such as uncles, aunts, cousins, siblings, parents and grandparents who will be left behind.
Have you listened to the objections of any family members who don’t want to move or who don’t want you to move? Their reasons are possibly going to be as selfish as some of your own reasons for wanting to emigrate, but try and see beyond these and hear words of warning, heed comments and opinions and use them to balance out your own thoughts.
Anyone who you want to move with you also has to have their opinions heard, listened to and valued. For example, if your spouse is putting the brakes on a move, are you willing to risk your relationship and family structure just to please yourself. Alternatively, if they won’t move happily, does this mean that maybe your relationship is flawed anyway, so you may as well move and be alone?
Massive, fundamental and truly life changing questions can arise when you suddenly decide you want to emigrate – are you ready to face those questions head on?
You may of course be very lucky, and every member of your family may be as committed to the move as you. However, that is still not reason to rush headlong into emigration without a second thought. You still need to consider all angles – such as, what if our collective thoughts about our new life are wrong, what then? Will you be comfortable moving ‘back home’ or would you then look elsewhere?
How Can You Ever Be Sure a Move Abroad is the Right Thing to Do?
The one excellent element of the TV series I mentioned above is that it gives a family the chance to try before they ‘buy’ – i.e., the people considering emigration get to spend time living and even working abroad in the country they are contemplating. This is invaluable experience.
If you really want to see whether moving abroad is right for you and your family you would be very well advised to also spend time living in and exploring your ‘new’ nation. A 2-week holiday on the beach in Spain is not enough of an experience of living in real Spain to commit to relocation however!
You need to visit your chosen country out of season (if it has a tourism season), you need to spend time in the supermarket rather than the ice cream parlour, looking at house prices rather than going on a boat trip, comparing medical facilities and schools rather than topping up your tan – then and only then can you be sure you are armed with all the salient information you need to make a final decision.
When you have seen the amenities and facilities, tested the infrastructure and walked around as a foreign face in an alien environment and determined whether you could ever feel at home with the language under your belt and some local friends, then and only then is it time to decide whether a move is right for you – and your family.
Test out your potential new home environment, weigh up the pros and cons and do so without rose tinted glasses on! Remember that there will be bills to pay, bureaucracy to deal with, road rage, work stress, money worries, petty arguments, the odd illness and bad hair days no matter where you live in the world – so a move abroad will never make your life truly wonderful every single day!
However, if you honestly feel that a relocation will improve your quality of life and that your family will benefit far more in the medium to long-term then maybe a move is the right decision for you. Work hard at selling the pros to reluctant family members, come up with a plan and strategy to ensure the move is a smooth one, iron out niggles and worries that others have – and as a final compromise if one is needed, why not suggest a trial period of 12 – 18 months, after which, if not everyone is in agreement you will commit to moving ‘back home.’
Usually the worries that affect children in a family are related to integration and these can be overcome in a matter of weeks or months once they are in school with a routine and friends. And often the worries that affect spouses and accompanying partners relate to the wellbeing of their family, finding work and friends – again, issues that can be overcome in the short term particularly if you manage to achieve a good work/life balance in your new nation.
So, if you want to move and others are reluctant you need to work hard to determine whether the relocation abroad really is the right thing for everyone. And if you do commit to a move, commit to being a supportive spouse/partner/parent and keep listening and hearing others concerns. Don’t put your family at risk of divorce or unhappiness from emigration…it’s really not worth it.