Moving is one of the three most stressful life events, and moving abroad adds another dimension to the stress altogether!
But the realities of moving abroad might not be as daunting as you first imagine, and if you maintain a strong sense of perspective and also try to keep in mind why you made the choice to relocate in the first place, you will survive!
Initially the practicalities of settling in to your new life abroad will likely seem exciting and your expectations will be heightened making the first days or even weeks mainly a pleasure. But after a few set backs or one frustrating disappointment too many you may find that your tolerance levels plummet and you question the entire decision to relocate overseas.
But like I said, you have to maintain a sense of perspective. If you’ve moved to a country where English is not the first language or where customs and day to day life are very different to what you’re used to you, you might find getting the simplest task completed is a long and arduous job. Because you will already be suffering from the stress of relocating as well as a mixture of excitements and nervousness, the frustration of struggling to get an essential task like getting the electricity connected in your new home for example, might seem insurmountable. But remember that Rome was not built in a day, that life is not a series of tasks on a ‘to do’ list and that your new country of residence offers you a whole host of brand new opportunities. That way you will maintain perspective, be able to take a deep breath and cope!
You might be reading this and thinking ‘frustration, disappointment, stress? I won’t have those negative feelings.’ But if you just accept that every single person who expatriates goes through a period when they have incredibly mixed emotions - from euphoria to despair in one short day for example - you will actually be better prepared for your first few months after moving abroad.
All expatriates go through at least a brief period when they wonder why on earth they made the move, and wouldn’t they actually be far better off ‘back home.’ But the good thing is most expatriates come through this period far stronger than they ever were and it is this strength of character and ability to get things done and see things through that sets the expatriate apart from his peer ‘back home.’
If you’re relocating with your family you need to take their emotions into account as well. It is unlikely that you will all be feeling euphoric at the same time, on the other hand it is unlikely you’ll all be crying and feeling homesick at the same time! This means it is up to all of you to support each other and rally round when one member has forgotten what it was that seemed so appealing about moving abroad in the first place!
If things get too intense you have to take some time out. As a family make time to go to the beach, to spend a long night out on the town, to have a slap up meal or go for a drive and explore the beauty of your new country. Whatever it was that drove you to move to this new country should be rediscovered. Through rediscovery you will reenergise and refocus and this should give you all the strength to carry on.
You can also consider rewarding yourself for making the move abroad and for coping with day to day life in a foreign country because while many, many people talk about it, far fewer ever actually pluck up the courage to expatriate and begin a brand new life. And if these positive points alone aren’t enough to reignite your passion for your new life abroad then make an effort to meet new people. By making friends you will be putting down roots and familiarising yourself with faces. Familiarity is what helps somewhere to feel like home. If you have children, take them out or let them invite new friends home. If you have a stay at home spouse try to arrange some sort of social event like a BBQ within your new community to allow your spouse to meet other like minded people.
The hard work does not stop when you physically arrive in your new country. The hard work that is essential for your happiness and survival in this new country begins the day you arrive. Like I said, familiarity makes somewhere home and you can speed this process up but you have to work at it.
And finally, I’ve observed that there is an illness that many new expatriates suffer from…its symptoms differ per person but I call it ‘expat flu’ and it often hits you after you’ve made the move and finally begun to settle in. Your defences and immune system are weakened by the stresses you’ve been through and as soon as you begin to relax you might find you come down with a cough or a cold. But don’t worry, this is often the sign that you’ve reached the turning point and that your brand new life that you’ve worked so hard to build is about to begin properly.
