Expat Survival Tips for Accompanying Partners

Summary: How to cope with and make a success of ‘forced’ relocation abroad if your partner is moving overseas for work

When one partner is offered a relocation abroad for work purposes it can have an incredibly dramatic effect on the entire family.  The first thing to decide is whether the family should accompany the working partner, and if so, then the hard work really starts!

Until recently accompanying partners of overseas workers were unflatteringly dubbed ‘trailing spouses’ – fortunately that era has ended and in this article we offer up some expat survival tips for accompanying partners, because often their relocation abroad is far tougher than their working other half’s, and what’s more, the entire success of the relocation could hang on the happiness of the accompanying partner.

The generalisation that the accompanying partner is always a female is no longer a fair generalisation as more and more women achieve senior and significant positions in global organisations daily.  Therefore, to assume that the working partner is the husband and father nowadays is totally wrong.  However, when it comes to families relocating abroad for the advancement of one partner’s career, it is still unfortunately largely the case that it is the women following the men rather than the other way around.  It seems that still too many women’s careers are considered second rate and second place to a man’s.

Far be it from us to rant excessively on this subject – but it does bring us neatly to the first top tip that we would like to give.  It relates to the accompanying spouse having to possibly give up their own working life at home to expatriate to support their partner.  What can often happen is that once abroad the accompanying partner has no work permit and therefore no chance to go out and source employment and gain a form of independence of their own.  This is something to seriously consider.  If you are moving abroad to be with a partner who has been relocated, find out whether you will be able to work overseas as well.  Sometimes companies who are moving families abroad are quite proactive and helpful and offer assistance to accompanying spouses – if so, approach them for advice about whether you will be able to get a job abroad too.

The next top tip is to take any assistance offered.  Whether it be financial or practical, take up any offers of help that your partner’s company gives.  You may well be offered the chance to meet up with other expat families, gain an introduction to organisations and groups who could be helpful and through whom you could make friends and helpful acquaintances.  You may also be given practical help to get residency visas, new driving licenses, get children into school and learn the language.  Once your partner has announced that they have been offered a position overseas and you both begin seriously contemplating the move, get in touch with your partner’s HR department and get the complete low down on what support will be given to you.

If at all possible, also ask for the names and contact details of other families or even individuals that the company has relocated to the given destination and make contact.  Don’t be shy about coming forward because I can 100% guarantee you that the people who have already been through the relocation will do all they can to help and advise you.  Just think about it – wouldn’t you do the same?  So ask for help and take what you can get!

Get on the expat forums and find out what’s what in terms of moving to and settling in to your new country.  Ask as many questions as you need answering and also do a lot of digging.  Chances are there have been many who have gone before you who have asked the same questions that you need answering.  The main advice is to be forewarned about what to expect, and therefore forearmed about what to do, to take, and to deal with.

There are companies out there who train soon-to-be expats in surviving a relocation overseas.  If your partner’s company does not have the resources to assist you, find out if they will pay towards you receiving the support and assistance that you need.  A burden of responsibility has to lie with the employer if they want the relocation to go ahead and be a success, and that burden of responsibility begins and possibly even ends at giving the accompanying partner all the practical and emotional support they need to make the move overseas a happy and positive experience.

If you’re facing a move abroad as an accompanying spouse, remember that you are not alone, neither are you the first person to go through the experience.  So, be as proactive as you can in sourcing people, organisations and families who can help and advise you, and be as mentally strong as you can to find the resources within you to pull it all together.  After all, the move can be a truly life enhancing experience for all the family.

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