Power Cuts and Invisible Builders in North Cyprus

Be prepared for a rant and a rave for I need to let off a considerable amount of steam and if I’m not allowed to do it in the form of writing about power cuts and invisible builders in North Cyprus – i.e., the truth about them – then I am likely to become a knife wielding maniac down at kibtec on Monday morning.

Oh yes indeedie do it has been a frustrating few days…and I have to get this written and posted quick as I’m off down the Stumble Inn in Lapta as I have a night off from being Tyler’s evil stepmother so forgive any typos!

First of all about four weeks ago I paid a man a handsome fee to build me some garden walls.  I paid him his price (well, half of it anyway, I’m not THAT stupid) and sat back and waited for my walls to appear. 

First of all tonnes and tonnes of stone were deposited all over my driveway destroying it into the bargain and miffing the onsite builders, then a load of cementie type stuff arrived in the road blocking all my neighbours in and miffing them a considerable amount – then a few days later some guy wielding wire cutters came around and tore down my fence and then………..cue tumble weed……….cue hollow and embarrassing silence…………cue nothing.

So, there we are then.

Now I have three lots of confused neighbours who have been cajoled into letting me replace shared wire fences up which various of their plants were growing and thanks to which my giant hound of Cheesedog was kept out of their homes - and now I have a broken drive, a million tonnes of rocks, a perpetually open front gate (blocked by the stones and the cementie type stuff, keep up for goodness sakes) and even better still, a wide open expanse of wasteland that constitutes puppy running away heaven. 

Aye, if he doesn’t make it out the front gate and away he’s off to see Keith and Marion and terrorise their terrier or he’s off to lap up Robert and Pat’s pool or to TOTALLY destroy all of the packing boxes on my BRAND NEW other neighbour’s terrace…joy.

So, anyway…where was I – yes right…roll forward to a couple of days ago when I went up the road to stay the night with my friend Wendy after quite frankly having way more than enough of being the evil step mum – well, I didn’t get to Wendy’s until late when she was just rolling in from work and it was well and truly dark already – but when we arrived at her house we were sure there was a power cut…or that’s what we thought.  But then why was everyone else’s home with light?  We checked the fuses and the main external fuse box to see if she’d been cut off, sabotaged or had some dickie wiring along the way but to no avail and so spent the night chattering – from the cold and about the state of life in North Cyprus and praying for kibtec to do the decent thing and turn us both on (ahem).

The next day I went home with a parting quip about if she needed a shower to come on over!  Well, deary me but 10 mins after I’m back through my front door and she’s on the blower to me - the electricity board have cut her off for no good reason, she has to go into Girne to complain and do her own ranting and raving and can she indeed come over for a shower as she doesn’t want to scare the kibtec men away from switching her back on.

So, there we are then…I let her in and left her to it and trogged off South to get an Ethernet switchermygig for my highly technologically superior home setup.  On my way I was seriously pleased to notice that FINALLY a two man operation with their very own tea making facilities had arrived and were sizing up my boulders – with which to build my walls….(ahem).

Upon arriving home that evening (which was yesterday evening) I noted that they’d done a fine job and part of the wall was part of the way up and Wendy had her lights back on…so there we are.

Next day (today in fact which you’ll know if you’ve been concentrating) I hide from Andy while he configures the Ethernet whatdyoumacallit and VOIP phone malarkey and watch with horror the wall builders taking a sledgehammer to their yesterday’s efforts. 

But no matter, because now the Ethernet whatsit it up and functioning and all’s well and pop goes the switch.  Yes, the hardware we drove all the bleedin way to the south for blows up in our faces!  So – off we set to go into Girne to see if we can find another one.

While in town I think we’d better pop in and drop Karin’s cake box back (seeing as I’ve had it since August – oh God, how useless am I) and so after successfully finding another Ethernet whatevermajobby we pop over to Karin, her dog bites me her kitten poos on me and we have a coffee and head for home thinking if we don’t get there soon and actually get some work done we’ll be bankrupt for Christmas.

So, homeward bound and the wall is no more, the builders have legged it and the generator is on…BUT…all around us people have their lights on.  Yes indeed, it’s late Friday afternoon and the darling delightful kibtec guys have cut me offffffffffffffffffffffffff.  GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Right, so, on the phone and the conversation goes something like this…: -

Me – you’ve cut me off
Them – no, we’ve cut 6 houses off on your site but not you
Me – then why have I no electric
Them – your neighbours are stealing your electric
Me – but all my neighbours are out, no one could be stealing my electric
Half an hour later after throwing this one back and forth…
Them – call an engineer.

Me – Hello engineer, I have no electric
Them – (lie) yes, we know
Me – what?
Them – (lie) we’re upgrading the transformer in your area
Me – how do you know where I am?
Them – oh, yes, ooops, where are you?
Me – Karsiyaka
Them – (lie) yes, that’s where we’re upgrading it
Me – roighttttt – so how come my neighbours who all live on the same site and get their electricity from the same source all have electric (apart from the ones that have been cut off that is)
Them – your neighbours have been cut off?
Me – errrm, yes
Them – Oh, then they’re stealing your electric
Me – (sobbing quietly) but nooooooooooo
Them – oh alright who are you, what’s your account number, right, hang on a minute, right call me back in an hour if it’s not working
Me – why, what are you going to do?
Them – (shiftily) oh, errm, nothing really well you know, just carry on upgrading the thingy
Me – transformer?
Them – yeah, the transformer…it’ll work soon honest
Me – roighhhhtttt

And lo – it came to pass, that having cut me off instead of some non-bill-paying wastrel and yet not having the stomach for an ear bashing they reconnected me without much fuss and now I have electricity again…but no wall…and no sign of a single builder either…all that remains of them is some sugar lumps from their mobile tea making equipment which I can use to lure Cheesepuff back into my garden when he goes walkabouts I suppose.  SIGH.

Right, off to the Stumble Inn for some chilli and a glass of red having let off so much steam I now feel deflated…thanks for listening!