North Cyprus Yellow Pages

North Cyprus is a funny place - it doesn’t have a MacDonald’s but it does have cash dispensers from which you can withdraw multiple currencies, it doesn’t have a Marks and Spencer but it does have lots of different telephone directories – however not one of them lists every single business in North Cyprus and not one of them lists a single home telephone number…

As a result I have become the unofficial North Cyprus Yellow Pages – if you need to know a number then just call or text Rhiannon and if that person is worth knowing or that company is worth doing business with then she’ll have the number you need…

The only thing is it’s getting increasingly difficult to go about my daily life without being accosted for a name, a number, a recommendation or even a personal opinion about almost everything – now how have I gotten myself into this position guys?

Take today as a prime example of – well – a day in my life as the unofficial North Cyprus Yellow Pages I suppose. 

No sooner am I up and half dressed (clothes on, make-up still in the tube) than there is a knock at the door.  I mean – it’s only ten to eight and I am NOT ready to receive visitors having not cleaned up the puppy wee, had a cup of coffee or applied a firm layer of foundation to my otherwise translucent cheeks…so who could it be?

It’s Nick, the man who has come to stay in the holiday home next door which belongs to Mike and Babs who have told him that if they need to know ANYTHING to pop over the fence and ask Rhiannon.

Now, Nick needs to know where Yusuf the butcher is in Ozankoy (he’s moved to London, there’s a vacancy for a butcher in Ozankoy if anyone’s looking for a business for sale in North Cyprus), whether he can buy bacon in North Cyprus (yes), what time Lemar opens (8am), what’s milk called in Turkish (sut), how to get to Escape beach club (it’s west of Kyrenia on the main road), where he can rent quad bikes (try the Sunset in Lapta), where’s Lapta (it’s west of Kyrenia, just after Escape Beach on the main road), where’s the best place to go out tonight (try The Old Mill), where’s The Old Mill (in Ozankoy opposite the Mosque) and then a little while later – can I please defrost his frozen bacon from Lemar in my microwave and provide numbers for The Old Mill, Escape Beach and the Sunset in Lapta….

So, then, a few hours later when all that was done and dusted I got a call from a man who needed a client of his’ phone number as he was owed money, I got a text from a friend about where to buy duvet covers in Kyrenia and I was accosted in the street by a man needing to know the lira to pound exchange rate.  What’s going on?  In fact – I’m not just the unofficial North Cyprus Yellow Pages I’m the bloomin’ TRNC Oracle…