Me and My Pet Goat

High on a hill was a lonely goat herd...no...let’s start that one again; there in my garden was a lonely goat.  Yes, that’s more accurate.

Andy and I took young Cheese Bartholomew Biscuit III for a walk yesterday - the power was off - what else was there to do...and upon nearing our house on our return we realised that we were being followed.

Well, it wasn’t really that difficult to realise we’d picked up a tail when said tail was attached to a young goat who was galloping down the road behind us bleating wildly and obviously trying to attract our attention. 

Now, I’m used to attracting stray dogs - must be the way I smell.  And I have ever attracted a herd of cows (more about that another time maybe) but I have to say I’ve never attracted a stray goat before.

Cheese and Andy were both quite taken with her.  And she wasn’t to be put off with my 28kg puppy (God, what are you feeding him Rhiannon) lunging at her and trying to bite her ears.  To be honest judging by the stink off her and the length of her very floppy ears Cheese thought he’d found his long lost sister. 

I’m not sure what Andy’s attraction was and I wasn’t in the mood to ask really. 

Anyway, this stupid goat followed us all the way along the drive to our gates and then once we’d gone though and left her she stood outside and continued to bleat. 

‘What is it Skippy, what are you trying to tell us?’
‘What’s up Lassie, has someone fallen down the well again?’

My, they make a racket and what’s more they make no sense either.

So, well, you know, what was I supposed to do?  Leave her there?  Well, yes actually, that was my plan. 

But Andy said he couldn’t - I mean, I have a whole garden full of weeds not to mention a line full of washing for her to eat so he decided it would be best for everyone if we opened the gate and let her in to play with Cheese, eat the hedge and rub her stinky body all over my washing.

So there we were..me and Andy, standing on the terrace gazing affectionately at our respective pets as Cheese BB 3 hurtled round the garden in one direction and our newly acquired goat friend bounced friskily about in the other direction…

But I’ve come to realise that in life such moments of happiness are fleeting, ephemeral and transient. 

Up the road comes a smelly old lorry with half a dozen goats hanging out the back - all bleating and looking forlorn - and inside was a Cypriot farmer frantically searching for his long lost goat. 

It seems that our new friend had quite literally fallen off the back of a lorry and wasn’t actually ours to keep.

So, half an hour went by as Cheese and Farmer ran about the garden like loonies trying to catch the stray goat...then it was suggested I perhaps capture Cheese and sedate him...so I did...and then the goat wandered over for a stroke before trotting off, hopping back up into the lorry and driving off down the road with the Farmer.

So there we are then, my garden now has a tonne of goat poo for Cheese to roll in and a few less weeds and plants than it once had.  My washing is back in the machine going round for a second time and Andy is smiling quite happily to himself as he remembers the lovely afternoon we spent with a goat.